Oof, I’m finding this on Ryan’s reco and this really hit home for me. I’m both divorced (2 years out) and have written a lot about it while I was in the thick of processing. As I get more distance, I’m navigating how much more I need to say. And yes, the anniversaries still do find a way to pack a punch. Thanks for this unessay!
This really articulates it: “What I know about myself as a writer now is that is inevitably when I write something, I inhabit it for a while. I simply don’t want to live inside my own divorce anymore.”
And this: A very wise person suggested communication patterns between people could get stuck at the age at which you met or married a person. I got married at 23. This explains a lot.
i'm so happy for you that, four years on, you're in this place of gratitude and clarity at all your life has become. i'm about 2.5 years post-breakup and i can tell you, it's shocking the truths that keep revealing themselves. zero regrets about what my relationship gave and taught me—but also zero desire to ever be back there. my ex was and is a good, decent man. but omg, so unaware of his own deep-seated patriarchal habits. as i was unaware how i abetted them. i'd like to believe (and mostly i do) that there's a meaningful, more equal relationship in my future. but if there isn't, i still wouldn't trade who i am now and what i know to settle for something less than i deserve.
If only! I truly think if people spent more time thinking about the nature and quality of their relationships and less about achieving the markers of supposed relationship success like engagement and marriage, we'd all be so much better off.
This list! Oh my goodness. About to finalize my divorce after working through all the muck and confusion and grief for almost three years and the confusion and grief of finally moving out this spring. There is so so so so so so much unraveling of self, discovery, pain, truths, things I was in denial about, etc etc etc that keep bubbling up. At first the bubble was a gush, now it has slowed down (thank goodness). I am not the person I was when I decided I was done three years ago, not the person I was when I struggled for two years with the weight of the decision, and not even the person I was when I took the physical step this year.
I am constantly in motion, constantly getting closer to me. And I'm so eternally grateful.
Holy cow. The list at the end of this is so incredible. Every word of it.
I agree! I feel very lucky to know so many smart, emotionally intelligent people. Thank you so much for reading.
Oof, I’m finding this on Ryan’s reco and this really hit home for me. I’m both divorced (2 years out) and have written a lot about it while I was in the thick of processing. As I get more distance, I’m navigating how much more I need to say. And yes, the anniversaries still do find a way to pack a punch. Thanks for this unessay!
This really articulates it: “What I know about myself as a writer now is that is inevitably when I write something, I inhabit it for a while. I simply don’t want to live inside my own divorce anymore.”
Solidarity. It's a long process. Thank you so much for reading!
And this: A very wise person suggested communication patterns between people could get stuck at the age at which you met or married a person. I got married at 23. This explains a lot.
I thought of you when I read that, Liz!
Thank you so much for the gift of these words!
i'm so happy for you that, four years on, you're in this place of gratitude and clarity at all your life has become. i'm about 2.5 years post-breakup and i can tell you, it's shocking the truths that keep revealing themselves. zero regrets about what my relationship gave and taught me—but also zero desire to ever be back there. my ex was and is a good, decent man. but omg, so unaware of his own deep-seated patriarchal habits. as i was unaware how i abetted them. i'd like to believe (and mostly i do) that there's a meaningful, more equal relationship in my future. but if there isn't, i still wouldn't trade who i am now and what i know to settle for something less than i deserve.
I love and agree with every word of this. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, friend <3
This list, published and bound, in the top drawer of every motel room in the world. Humanity solved.
If only! I truly think if people spent more time thinking about the nature and quality of their relationships and less about achieving the markers of supposed relationship success like engagement and marriage, we'd all be so much better off.
This list! Oh my goodness. About to finalize my divorce after working through all the muck and confusion and grief for almost three years and the confusion and grief of finally moving out this spring. There is so so so so so so much unraveling of self, discovery, pain, truths, things I was in denial about, etc etc etc that keep bubbling up. At first the bubble was a gush, now it has slowed down (thank goodness). I am not the person I was when I decided I was done three years ago, not the person I was when I struggled for two years with the weight of the decision, and not even the person I was when I took the physical step this year.
I am constantly in motion, constantly getting closer to me. And I'm so eternally grateful.
Thank you for sharing this!